I read that the Poet Laureate, Carol Ann Duffy won’t write a poem for the new royal baby, so that creates a wonderful vacuum for the rest of us to fill. I’ve always enjoyed writing silly rhymes. I don’t like the monarchy, but I’m no Poet Laureate either, so they cancel and make it appropriate for me to write and get back in fun a little of what I have to shell out in taxes to support them.
In fairness, as with any other new baby, I wish them all well. The new princess didn’t choose to be royal any more than you or I. This ‘poem’ reflects on the outdated principle of the monarchy rather than the personal.
An ode to Princess Wossername
Two point seven new babies per second,
The world produces, so it’s reckoned
They may be born to rich or poor
Whiter, blacker, browner, bluer
Now one has come to Wills and Kate
Her whole life paid for by the state
A posher form of welfare sure
A form of exploitation pure
The kings and queens of ages old
Got rich by winning battles bold
They had to risk the chop or Tower
To get their bloodied hands on power
Now silver spoon and golden chalice
Fancy gown and finest palace
Are paid for out of hard-won tax
Squeezed from subjects to the max
So what sets this new girl apart
From cleaner, doctor, maid or tart?
What justifies her life of ease
Her right to wealth instead of fleas?
I do not know the answer there
It seems to me a bit unfair
That she’ll be given so much more
Than babies born through other doors
It’s time to stop this royal scam
While she’s confined within her pram
To treat like any other wain
This little Princess Wossername
possibly helpful note: wain is scottish slang for ‘child’